Man Quiche Recipe

Now for some serious back country grub.  First off, hit up Amazon and get a dutch oven.  I've found that their prices are better than the local sporting goods/ranch stores.  The more friends you have, the bigger the oven needs to be.  Get it seasoned up per the instructions, call up your buddies, take an extra Lipitrol and head for the mountains.  This will NOT work in town.  Seriously. . .it doesn't work in town.

Now, once in the hills, partake in your favorite outdoor recreational activity.  Go hard all day, come back tired, tell lies around the camp fire and even some truths over the day's events.  After indulging in your apres' event relaxation activities, turn in. . .and then get up EARLY, because this kind of deliciousness is gonna take some time to perfect.

In the morning, build a modest fire.  You can throw in some charcoal to get started if you want.  No need for sissy lighter fluid or starting stacks, just a nice little "morning" campfire.  Make sure to have some good welding gloves and the proper cooking tools ready.  On to the cooking:

Phase 1:  The pork phase
Brown your pork fat (Bacon, Sausage, Pork Chops. . .whatever you have.  Use too much.  I prefer a combo) along with the secret ingredient:  two cans of corned beef hash.  It doesn't matter how much quiche you make, you always use two cans.  For more people, use bigger cans. . .be a man.  During this phase, you can use the lid, but no need to put coals on top.

Phase 2:  Starch
Once the pork/hash mixture is nice and happy, add large quantities of taters.  Hash browns are good, but I like O'Brien potatoes or at least chunks.  Shreds tend to get too mushy.  Depending on how caramelized you like your onions, you could put them in here too.  Walla Walla Sweets ONLY you fool!!  Second best onions will NOT DO!!  Cook until brownish. . .throw some heat on the lid at this point.  Stir as necessary.  Don't get burned too badly.

Phase 3:  Veggies
Onions?  or more onions. . .either way.
Optional veggies can include:  Peppers (Bell, Jalapeno, Habenero, ghost, etc), umm. . .onions?  Also, thanksgiving turkey, leftover chili, hot dogs, shrimp, and salmon could all be added in the veggie stage.  If there is any leftover steak (you wuss) from last night, do that here too.  Ladies, there are no turnips, carrots, parsnips, or freaking cucumbers in MAN QUICHE. 

Phase 4:  Eggs
Open the lid and burrow about a dozen or two little holes in the stew of delicious that you have created.  Crack your eggs (lots of them) into said holes.  DON'T STIR IT!!!  That would be "weenie scramble" and this is man quiche. . .Replace the lid and really turn up the heat.  Cook until eggs are 98% done.  WARNING:  The quiche will be reactor-hot at this point.

Phase 5:  Cheese
The trick to the cheese phase is to cover the quiche with enough cheese to get a good layer (cheddar, jack, pepper jack, smoked gouda, whatever) but not with so much that you end up with cheese goup. . .so, I like one layer of slices or about 1/4" of shredded.  REMOVE FROM BOTTOM HEAT.  Place the lid back on and put a bunch of coals on top. . .broiler effect.  Once the Cheese is too your satisfaction, remove the lid and get ready to serve.

Phase 6:  Garnish and Eat
Place a "slice" of the finished quiche on a plasticized plate or in a bowl, encourage your now drooling buddies to garnish to taste and enjoy the sound of your arteries clogging.

Garnish suggestions:  fresh herbs (we're men, not barbarians), fresh salsa (canned salsa is for men that don't know any Mexican hotties. . .loser), Tapatio (required by law in 48 states, sorry CA and MN), gravy (duh), sour cream. Click on the pictures for some handy tools.

ENJOY!!!

OXYMORON. . .Heavy on the Moron

I decided to go "off the reservation" a little bit. Stating one's opinion as fact on message boards gets met with mixed reviews. It isn't that I don't care about other people's viewpoint, but I'd rather try and be respectful of other's webspace when it comes to controversial topics. So, after my 12 year old son started a blog, I thought that it would be a good opportunity to catch up with technology to dispense the contents of my brain on a few topics related to my hobbies.

First off, I am an outdoor enthusiast. To me that means that I enjoy being "remote". My chosen method of transportation happens to be a 4x4 vehicle. I love to take my Jeep loaded up with my kids, wife and dog as deep into the back-country as possible. Sometimes, we go on group "runs" with our local club. See www.peakputters.com. We do enjoy the challenge that off-road presents, but the ability to get far away from civilization safely and comfortably is priceless.

My other hobby is Off-Road desert racing. The singular focus that is required to navigate an off-road vehicle at a high rate of speed through some of the most unforgiving places on earth is a feeling that can't be described. Take a look at www.race-dezert.com and our team site at www.rumblegoatracing.com for more information on what we do.

Now, the oxymoron part: I'm an environmentalist. Yep. . .a greenie. The "enemy" of my aforementioned hobbies if you will. While I may be considered by some to be an oxymoron, I'm true to my values. I'm also not an extremist so let's address those people first:

If you are the type of macho idiot, that feels like you have to use your giant tires to dig trenches in pristine meadows to make up for your substandard manhood it's time to grow up. Seriously, you aren't doing yourself or your hobby any good. You will be the reason that my kids can't share our past time with their kids. Because of that, I always have several cameras with me on the trail. I'll take a picture of your license plate and turn it over to Law Enforcement. Don't claim dumb either. . .it won't work. If you have a question, go to one of the sites above and ask it. All of us that have been in the off-hiway hobbies for some time have an idea of what's right and what's wrong. If you still insist on being a moron, our zero tolerance policy will ensure that you won't be allowed on the trails ever again.

Now. . .the other side. The type of people that think that "human powered" recreation is the only type of recreation that is acceptable. Let me tell you a little story: My parents are in their mid seventies. They took me and my siblings into the mountains on off-road adventures for our entire childhood. The roads have been a little too rough on them in recent years so they haven't been able to experience the back-country like they used to. Last weekend, I had the chance to put them in my Jeep (a 2001 Grand Cherokee) and take them on an easy trail to a spectacular lookout. When we crested the hill to the top, Mom was so overcome with emotion that she started weeping. It was 13 miles to the top. How would you propose that be accomplished without the aid of a motorized vehicle? How do you get to your trailheads? Subaru? Pavement?

My point is that most of us are somewhere in the middle, but the polarizing figures with their extremist attitudes tend to drive public opinion and, sadly, legislation. We all know that there is no such thing as "zero impact" recreation and most of us believe that we should leave our off-hiway areas as we found them or even better if we can.

So, why are things going the way they are? Why is access being reduced? It is, in fact, about the LAWYERS. "The first thing we do, Let's kill all the lawyers." William Shakespeare via his play Henry VI. Why is the lawyer's fault? Pretty simple: There will always be organized groups surrounding activity on America's public land. The Sierra Club, Audubon Society, Center for Biological Diversity, Blue Ribbon Coalition, Pacific Northwest Four Wheel Drive Association, and other national, international, and local clubs, societies and association are advocating their positions. Lawyer migrate towards the money. It is much easier for an organization that hides its extremism behind supposed environmental ethics to raise money with the lawyers sniffing right in the ass of the cash.

The reality is that most of us outdoor enthusiast types don't chain ourselves to trees or aspire to turn Yellowstone National Park into our own private mud bog, yet the lawyers that are out there with their trademark BS lawsuits are putting us all into one camp or another. I'm pretty well sick of it. The silent majority needs to wake the heck up.

In my World, I sell products and services that affect large user groups. Everything is designed to make the majority's life easier. Transparent even. Then we put tools in place to manage the exceptions. . .the abusers. . .or, in this case, the smelly hippies that lay across the roads and the rednecks that have 50% BAC during breakfast. I firmly believe that the reason that if our hobbies were managed this way, then we'd all be a lot better off.

How do you do it? I have an idea. . .and I think it is solid. Maybe I'll out line it here. Maybe I'll do a recipe on how to make Man Quiche or a product review on my favorite tires. . .who knows. . .

In the mean time, just realize that the enemy simply is the greedy barrister that loves money. The rest of us just want to enjoy the natural landscape and all it has to offer. Also, take a look at my photos below:

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